Family

I was asked to update on my family.

Everyone is doing very well.

My mom is still working part time, and although she complains about it at times, I think she really likes it. She has her daughter...errrr....dog, Gizzmo who is the light of her life. I'm glad she has her. They play and walk and keep each other company. Mom was never an "animal" person, but when she got Gizz a few years back, that all changed.

Dad is doing well. He drives for an older couple that he drove for years ago when he worked for a limo company. He has driven exclusively for them for 4 or 5 years now. He also helps them around their home and takes care of other things.

My step-mom is as crazy as ever, in a very good way. She and dad are doing well and are enjoying his "semi" retired life. Her younger son is staying with them again healing from an infection, and although it's tough to have another person in the house again, I think she (they!) are glad to have him there.

My brother is still trucking it around the U.S. I get text messages from him almost daily telling me his whereabouts. He loves it most of the time, but gets homesick too.

My in-laws and step kids are all awesome. Alex is getting straight A's. Matt is going into Culinary Arts, and Chris is in High School and doing well also. We don't hear from him as much as we do the other two kids, but we also all know how crazy high school can be.

That's my family.

Smiles, lulu

Hello hello!

Hi friends. I won't even go into how sorry I am for not posting, I know you're tired of hearing it....

Lots going on.

Last week I spent 3 hours at the airport. No, I wasn't traveling, I met Corey there for dinner. He had a layover so I went down there and had dinner with him. It was good. Caught up and reminisced. The usual.

Casinoing is picking back up again, that goodness. My croupier skills were getting a bit rusty, but it's like riding a bike, you just hop back on and it all comes back to you.

We have a bunch going on soon. Next week, my parents-in-law, two of my sisters-in-law and their husbands, will be coming over for dinner at our house. Sarah and Jim (live in NY) and Catherine and Oscar (live in Arizona) will be visiting the in-laws (in South Carolina) for a week or so. Since Sarah and Jim will be going back home during the week, they will come to our place for an evening. That weekend, we'll go to SC to stay the weekend with the parents, Catherine and Oscar. Should be a great weekend. :-)

At the end of October we normally camp out at the races for the weekend. This year, with PEM's job change we've had to cut back on the spending, so we decided to have a party at the house instead. My Dad, step-mom and brother will all be visiting for the weekend as well!!! So, we've invited a bunch of folks to come over to watch the race Sunday and meet my family. My in-laws will come that Friday or Saturday as well so that they can finally meet my family.

In November (on a Sunday), we are going to see Blue Man Group with my in-laws, and Paul's aunt and her son. They will be here performing (just about 15 mins from the house!) and we've talked for 2 years with Auntie about going to see them. Now is our chance!

The weekend after that is Thanksgiving. My mom is coming up! Yes, she has her tickets already and everything. My in-laws will come over that Friday or Saturday to meet her! I am working on getting the boys and Alex here for that weekend as well, but am not sure how much progress I'll make. I think we'll get Alex (unless they are going out of town), but the boys are much harder to schedule (imagine that...*pout*).

Other than that......we are working 4 nights next week casinoing. Like I said, it's picking up! I'm sure we'll work nearly every Friday and Saturday from now until the end of December, too (with the exception of actual holiday weekends and weekends that we BEG to have off).

*sigh*

I do love the paychecks. And I love keeping busy. Of course the best part is coming home, soaking in the hot tub, then curling up with PEM and the kitties in bed and relaxing together after the day is done.

Smiles, lulu

It's the end of THEIR marriage, but not their parenthood or friendships.

I have a complaint. I guess it's not as much of a complaint as it is an observation. Ok let's call it what it is. I need to bitch about something.

My ex-husband (Corey) made a promise to my niece (our niece) that if she graduated from high school with good grades (B or better) that he would take her anywhere in the world as a gift. My niece wasn't brought up in the healthiest of households (who is nowadays??!!). Corey and I are extremely proud of her and how her brothers turned out. He was her uncle when we were married and treats her as his niece even now that we are divorced. He made good on his promise and took her on a vacation that she will likely never forget.

My brother said he was "surprised" that he was showing my niece such a great time. He didn't particularly like Corey (especially) once we got divorced. Arrrgh. This made me pretty annoyed.

Here is what I have trouble understanding. And believe me, it doesn't lie solely with my brother's comment.

Why is it that because of divorce people tend to believe that the people involved are bad people? Was he (Corey) a not so good husband to me? DEFINITELY. Does that mean I was perfect....DEFINITELY NOT! Does this mean that he can't be a good uncle? Or a good friend? Or even a good husband to someone else????

My dad and mom split up for pretty unsavory reasons (infidelity). Although I resented my dad, I resented the fact MORE that my mom would take jabs at my dad as opposed to my dad who never said anything negative about her. Is it because there was nothing negative to say? Heck no! There was plenty. But dad took the high road. He was wrong in what he did during the marriage, but so was she. He was a crappy husband to her and she was a crappy wife to him.

My dad, was still a great DAD. Period. I was fortunate that even with all of the animosity between my parents, my mom wasn't so selfish that she moved me away to another city and my dad didn't move away to be closer to his now wife. I was always "made" to see my dad, even if I didn't think I wanted to (thank goodness!!!) and am glad that I had that opportunity. It made me realize that my dad is a great dad and a great friend to me. Even if it didn't work out that way for my parents.

We had friends get married in Vegas. They broke their marriage off less than year after they got married. They were together 5 years before that. It didn't work. Paul and I remained friends WITH BOTH OF THEM, even though it was tough at times, because they HATE each other. They split up...why does that mean we have to choose which one to like? Why do you have to choose which friend or family member or parent? Why not choose BOTH?

When my ex's parents split up, she took the two kids (age 2 and an infant) to Florida from Michigan. His dad never knew what was going on with the boys. She fought to keep them away from him. Was he a bad father? NO. But their marriage sucked, so as revenge, she took them as far away as she could. It was only in high school, when I intervened that we found his dad, who thought Corey had run away as a teenager (never happened) and was glad to hear he was ok. Since then, they have become, not just father and son, but good friends. I'm fortunate to be friends with him and Corey's mom still (*gasp* even though they aren't my in-laws anymore, they've actually come to visit me and visa versa!).

My husband has two situations. Two divorces. One where his ex packed up and moved away to another part of the country. And one where the ex stayed near by. The relationship he has with the kids are REMARKABLY different.

The children who live in another part of the country barely know their dad. He has to work hard to get them for half of the time that he's entitled to get them (Mandatory 4 weeks a year according to the divorce decree, but that has never happened). Child support is paid on time (with the exception of the 5 months he was out of work, then it was still paid, just mid month instead of on the first...she was notified and understood).

The second ex has a relationship with PEM still. They don't particularly care for each other, but when you see them together around my step daughter, you'd never know. She doesn't talk bad about him, he doesn't talk bad about her. They communicate constantly about her well being and rarely have we not been able to see her when we wanted. She looks at this as a positive thing. She has FOUR parents who love her. Her step dad and I are in her life and there are no lines drawn in the sand. He and I have say so in the way she's brought up, but Dad and Mom have final word. She isn't made to feel bad when she wants to see us or when she's ready to go back home to her mom. (I *still* get guilt trips from my mom when I see my dad and not her).

My point is people....Divorce is rampant here in the U.S. Most of the people you know are probably divorced. GET OVER IT. People get married too young, for the wrong reason, for stupid reasons. Hell, some people get married for the RIGHT REASON at the RIGHT TIME and STILL end up divorced. Circumstances happen, but jeez, give these people a chance. Just because their marriage didn't work, doesn't mean one or both are bad people.

*sigh*

lulu

Before I get replies that there are people out there who ARE bad parents, I'm not talking about those people. I'm not talking about people who abuse their kids, etc. I'm talking about the couples that are husband and wife that didn't work out for their OWN reasons.

I will not wear black.

I guess I am ready to talk about "it".

About an hour after I got home from a long weekend with friends and family in the mountains, we got a phone call.

Steve told PEM, he was a friend of mine from high school and needed to speak with me. I walked out to the back porch to take the call.

Once he told me which Steve, he proceeded to tell me that David, Jackie and the baby were in a bad accident Saturday. He assured me that David and Joshua were fine, but that Jackie...and there was a pause. For that split second, I expected him to tell me she was in the hospital, not doing well, that she wanted to see me, that I would need to go down there to help David with Joshua. Instead, he broke the news. Jackie died at the scene of the accident. I cried. I didn't speak to him. I sobbed. I handed the phone to PEM and collapsed. It couldn't be right.

PEM went inside and wrote some information down. He came back outside and touched me and held me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I told PEM, that this wasn't supposed to happen, that she finally had what she wanted, a baby and a wonderful husband.

I called my mom, then my dad, then Corey, then my brother. My mom wasn't sure if she heard me correctly. My dad, already crying when he answered the phone, knew. Steve had called him for my phone number. Corey, who was in the car at the time, comforted me and told me to please call him back when I could. My brother, my brother was hit pretty hard. My entire family, including Corey, were all saddened by the loss of my "sister". My twin, who shared the same birthday, and with whom I shared the loss of her parents, and daughter just as she shared the loss of my marriage. She and I were in each other's weddings. We grew up together with each other's families loving us as if we were their own daughters.

My friends, who listened to my grief as I kept them in touch step by step during the birth and death of Sarah, wept and offered condolences to a woman they'd never met, but felt as if they knew.

These same friends were thrilled to hear that she had Joshua, a healthy baby boy, just three months ago. She was finally complete. Her family, her life, complete.

Jackie, David and Joshua were to visit next month. Instead, I will see David and get to meet Joshua for the first time in a couple of days.

Here is the good thing. When I think of Jackie, I can HEAR her laugh. I can SEE her smile. Probably, because that's mostly how I saw her. She had a GREAT laugh. I love it. I won't forget that.

There has been a lot of death, and with each one, I got "better" at handling it. Death, is a part of life. Jackie and I spoke often of death. We had to, it was around us a lot. We spoke of growing old together and celebrating 50 years of friendship. We both wanted to be cremated. We both wanted our lives to be celebrated not mourned. Jackie, I am in mourning, but I am healing and I promise to keep your memory alive. I also promise not to wear black to your funeral. We are COLOR people!!! :-)

Jackie, You are still with me, as is Sarah. As are your parents.

I love you Jackie. I love you and I miss you.

I will be sure to keep David and Joshua close to me. Joshua won't remember you, but David, your friends and family, and I will. We will introduce you to him year after year, day after day.

I love you.